Yes, it can now be told(....although it has been repeatedly!)

Flake = Jake

Flex = Felix

Who were we trying to kid!

The magic of Christmas can touch even jaded High School seniors. Two lads were 'walking the halls' one afternoon, when they spied a beautiful Christmas tree in Mr. Milo Pietz's chorus room. They then reflected on the boring, drab aspect of their homeroom deep in the recesses of the industrial arts segment of the school.

Being men of action, they arrived early the next morning, and re-located the Christmas tree from the chorus room to their homeroom, plugged the lights in, and quickly made themselves scarce. They awaited the appointed homeroom gathering time with great anticipation - expecting to bask in the yuletime glory with their classmates and homeroom teacher.

Later that morning they strolled nonchalantly into their homeroom. They were quickly accosted by their homeroom teacher, a young, first-year agriculture teacher, who's exact words were - "You guys got me in hot water!"

These two worthies were astounded. "How did they know it was us?" they asked the homeroom teacher, "we are certain nobody saw us." He replied that Mr. Pietz simply followed the trail of pine needles from the chorus room to the homeroom, and asked the homeroom teacher if he had any ideas which of his young charges were the likely culprits. He of course had no doubt as to who was responsible. Shortly thereafter, there came an announcement over the PA system. "John Jacobson and Mitch Kannenberg please report to the Principal's office."

These two holiday-minded characters were then forced to return the tree to its rightful owners. Alas, Scrooge's are everywhere.

That the only way to get people to stop in for coffee is to go to bed with "full dress" makeup on wearing half a can of hair spray in a house you haven't really looked at much for three to four weeks.

That the easiest way to raise children is to get down to their level in life and agree that the world would work better "This Way". (They make a convincing enough case for me)

That the quickest way to suffer over and over is to shut up, roll over, play dead, and pretend it doesn't matter.

That the only way to know when you've arrived at where you wanted to be is when the constant urge to keep moving, just up and quits. (Or is that antiquity? I forget)

The most effective way to get your kids to come home to visit, often enough... is to call them every time you made "their favorites" and someone else got to eat them.

Crap happens. And it's not always your fault; and there's not always something productive you can do with it. (This was a hard one for me)

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog, Mr.
    Manners, and was in line to check out.  The woman behind me asked if I
had a dog. Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse I told ner no, I was starting The
Purina Diet again.  Although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.  Her eyes about bugged out of her head.  I went on and on with
the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it.
I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works
is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you were hungry.  The package said the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was
that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.  I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit
me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

(the picture is what "sorry" looks like, 'canine')

AREN'T THEY WONDERFUL?

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL HAVE ONE!

I have learned that a lot of things happen to a human being when you add testosterone. Some of what happens is really cool, really exciting... Broad shoulders, deep voices, hairy chests, legs, whiskers, great big hands... Yeah, some really cool things happen to people when you add testosterone.

But it's not ALL fabulous. That's for sure.

[Now, ESTROGEN is just about foolproof: It makes every human being twice as capable as testoserone does, but without the tunnel vision and aggression that goes with it. The side effects are pms, complicated thought processes, and osteoporosis]

I suffer in silence. Almost. [Do THEY suffer, do you think??]

(Love those guys....)

     I used to get in trouble at school for championing "UnderDogs", and it had gotten to be quite a habit-forming occupation by the time I hit high school and Mr. Stotz, who, in brutal English, informed me that he 'wasn't having any of that crap here'. (We DID seem to have an inordinate amount of adult control issues with people in positions of undue authority... over people who, by and large, would sit back, shut up, and 'take it'. I resented verbal abuse by that age, bion)

     At the time of his lecture about 'what he was going to accept here in high school', I probably looked as resentful and defiant as I felt, and Mr. Stotz. true to character, had risen from his chair by then and was looming over his desk in slow motion... Like a cobra... hissing louder and louder, learning farther and farther, until FINALLY!

     His hand came down flat on the desk, SWAK!! At the same time that my right hand connected with his face. I''m not sure who was more surprised; him, me, the secretaries, or Mr. Solon.

     Mr. Turnwall wasn't too thrilled, either. I had a three-day suspension: Mr. Stotz asked for expulsion. The big question was, was he going to strike me, and did I have a reason to believe he would? [I laughed: Did he think I went around smacking people for no reason, really? Just because he leaned toward convincing them that he WOULD, or MIGHT?]

     Mr. Solon and I began a peaceful relationship at that point which continued all the way through high school, and even afterward, and it was at this point that Mr. Stotz' son... Quit acknowledging my presence here on earth.

     So did his father.